I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
