So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
