hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
