You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
