when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
