forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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