So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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