how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
