I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
