I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
