We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
