you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
