I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
