Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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