My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
