k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
