i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
