if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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