can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
