I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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