i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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