omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
