Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
