He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
