Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
