then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
