Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think my moral compass just broke
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