My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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