So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
