Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
