Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you had me at cake vodka
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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