Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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