the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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