there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
