I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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