But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
