its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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