apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
