God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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