How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
