I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
