i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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