I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
