i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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