She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
