we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
