Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
