So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Randomize
