Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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