I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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